The Fleet and the Curious
by Heiwako
Summary: Vipir might be fast on his feet, but when his mouth is faster than his brain he can get into some trouble. Maybe it'll be okay when Barri invites him on a trip to Solitude. PWP


"So, Sapphire. Can I do anything for you or more to the point... to you?" Vipir the Fleet asked his tone disgustingly suggestive.

Sapphire and Barri had been sitting on Barri's bed while dividing the loot they had just collected from their most recent job when Vipir had approached them. Sapphire scowled at the man's advances.

"Vipir the Fleet," Sapphire taunted, "the only man who's foolish enough to name himself after his bedroom prowess."

Vipir's smile turned into an ugly frown at the insult. "You stupid cow," he snapped. "You don't know what you're missing."

"No," Sapphire returned lazily, "but I know that you're going to turn up missing if you keep up this kind of talk." Her pointed gaze at Vipir's crotch as she fingered her dagger left nothing to the imagination.

The Nord stood up and grabbed her share of the loot. "I need to get out of here," she announced to Barri. "There's suddenly a stench in the Cistern that I can't stand." She turned her nose up at Vipir and left quickly for the Flagon.

"I don't know what the fool woman's problem is," Vipir complained as he flopped onto Barri's bed uninvited. He stretched on his side as he watched Sapphire's retreating back. "Most women would be flattered to have a man's attention."

"You ever think maybe it's what you're saying to her?" Barri suggested. She had mentally winced at Vipir's words when he had approached Sapphire.

Sapphire had confided to Barri that she had been raped when she was younger. Not once, but many times by many men for an entire fortnight. These same men had killed her family in front of her before brutalizing her horribly. The thief had only escaped after she had managed to get a hold of a knife and slitting their throats like the pigs her family's farm had raised.

Sapphire hadn't cried and Barri hadn't held her despite the sorrow on the other Nord's face, but something had changed in Sapphire's attitude afterwards. She seemed to smile a little more with less cynicism and she didn't hold herself apart from the men in the Cistern as much. Barri thought that talking about it finally had helped her friend to start healing, but she still had a long way to go. Sapphire definitely didn't need a man asking her what he could do to her in the meantime.

"What about it?" Vipir asked, completely oblivious how much his words had hurt Sapphire. "I was just offering her a good time. What man wouldn't? She's beautiful, smart, and funny. Any guy would want to go for that."

"Gee, thanks," Barri said stiffly as she shifted in her cross legged position on the bed. "What am I? Chopped liver?"

"Hm?" Vipir asked, looking at her over his shoulder. He had spread so he was lying on her bed while propping on his elbow. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I mean that I think I'm the only woman you haven't propositioned in the Guild," Barri snapped. "I know for a fact you were flirting with Vex yesterday.

"Hey, Vex is fair game," Vipir said defensively. "That Imperial is finer than Black-Briar mead."

"Last week you asked Tonilia if she would like to get dinner sometime," Barri reminded him.

"Oh, that. I was just to try to get her drunk so she would give me better prices for my stuff," Vipir said, shrugging. "She's with Vekel and possibly messing around with Brynjolf. I wouldn't want to get in the midst of that mess."'

"So, what about me?" Barri asked. "Do you think I'm ugly or something, because you're never even looked my way."

"Pfft, everyone knows that you belong to Delvin," Vipir said.

"What?" Barri growled. She grabbed Vipir by his chest piece and hauled him up so they were eye level. "What did you say?"

"Whoa, whoa," Vipir said, holding his hands up in surrender. "I just meant everyone knows you and Delvin are a couple."

"I don't belong to anyone," Barri growled as she released the male Nord. "And Delvin and I are not a couple."

"Everyone knows that you're sleeping together," Vipir huffed as he straightened his jacket.

"And?"

"And that means you're taken," Vipir said. "Off limits, Delvin's property…ack!" His words were cut off when Barri wrapped her hands around the thief's throat.

"Letting a guy stick his dick in you does not make you his property," she yelled.

"Let...go… of… me," Vipir gasped. His face was turning quite red. When Barri did, Vipir just retched for a few moments before speaking. "What is wrong with all the women around here?"

"Maybe we like to be treated as equals for our prowess and not as just some conquests," Barri snapped. She kicked the thief so he fell off her bed. "If you want a chance with any of us, maybe you should take lessons from Brynjolf or Delvin. They know to think before they speak."

"Whatever," Vipir said as he jumped to his feet. "I don't really care. It's not like I was hitting on you to begin with. You were the one being all insecure." Vipir darted off towards the ladder that lead out to the graveyard before Barri could respond, determined to have the last word.

* * *

"So, the ending of my tale I began earlier..." Vipir said as he entered the Flagon with Thrynn.

"Is this your tale of single-handedly fighting off a pack of trolls or my favorite," Thrynn said interrupting the Nord, "where you bedded four women on the same night?"

"Well, if you don't want to hear it, that's your loss," Viper said, his lower lip sticking out in a pout.

"If I wanted to hear a tall tale, I'll read a children's storybook," Thrynn said dismissively. He patted the Nord on the back. "Get some better stories, Vipir."

It had been a few days since Vipir's failed attempt with wooing Sapphire. Since then Barri had been keeping an eye on the pickpocket trainer. He seemed like a nice enough fellow most of the time, but he had a pretty big flaw – he couldn't stop running his mouth.

It seemed like every time Vipir showed up in the Cistern, he was trying to impress people with one story or another.

"If you wondering why they call me Vipir the Fleet, watch me outrun the town guard sometime."

"I've been a part of this Guild for as long as Mercer has been Guild Master."

"I might not be as big as some of my fellow Nords, but in a fight they can barely lay a hand on me."

"My specialty is pickpocketing. All I need is a rich mark, a moon-lit sky and I'm in my element."

Vipir's bragging all the time really turned the other thieves off. He might actually be the best pickpocket they had and was the best trainer that Barri ever learned under, but his constant string of stories were enough to drive anyone up the wall. To make matters worse, if anyone called him out on his behavior, Vipir pouted and became defensive.

Still, Barri felt bad for the man. He seemed desperate to have friends and even among their literal band of misfits, he didn't fit in.

Vipir ordered a pint of mead from Vekel and took the drink to a table off to the side to sulk over it alone. Barri sighed as she stood and walked over to him. She mentally berated herself for doing it, but she never could stand seeing someone looking forlorn. Gods knew it had gotten her into trouble more than once.

"Hey, Vip," she said as she sat down. "I was going to go to Solitude for some fishing jobs. I was thinking those always go better if you have someone with you. How would you feel about going with me?"

"Really?" Vipir asked, his head shooting up in excitement. Then he tried to relax and look nonchalant. "I mean, yeah, sure. I'm not really doing anything right now. When were you thinking of heading out?"

"Tomorrow morning," Barri said as she drained her drink. "Do you have your own horse? I won't be using the carriage system."

Vipir just laughed at the question.

"What's so funny?" Barri asked, amused.

"Oh, just reminded me of something," Vipir said vaguely. "I do have a horse though."

"Well, you'll have to tell me about it some time," Barri said with a wink. She stood up and ruffled the other Nord's hair. "I'm leaving out at nine. Don't be late or I'll leave you behind."

"Don't worry," Vipir beamed. "I'm never late. And if I was, I'd catch up easily. There's a reason they call me Vipir the Fleet."

* * *

The trip to Solitude actually wasn't that bad. Barri had not heard most of Vipir's stories before and had laughed at them honestly. She could only suppose the others had heard them repeatedly to the point of boredom. Because Vipir's tales weren't just funny, he clearly felt comfortable making fun of himself while bragging.

They had stopped for the night and made camp. It was a relatively warm night for Skyrim, so being under the stars wasn't a hardship. Any chill was chased away by the hot campfire and the warm mead.

"So, tell me why you chuckled when I asked if you had a horse," Barri demanded.

"Do you know what they call me Vipir the Fleet?" he asked, smirking over his drink.

"No," Barri answered, refraining from giving Sapphire's retort.

"It was on a job a few years back," Vipir said as he rolled onto his back. "It was supposed to be a simple burglary on a house in Windhelm. I was working with Vex and we got inside with no trouble. We found the loot, and made our way out."

"Typical job," Barri said.

"Well it was," Vipir agreed, "up until the point where we set foot outside. The house was surrounded by town guard. The client had ratted us out. Vex just tells me to run, so I did. Half of them went after me, the other half went after her. Vex lost them in seconds, once she steps into the shadows, she vanishes." Vipir pantomimed Vex's skill at stealth by holding his hands up and opening them with a "whoosh" sound.

"Me? I ran and I ran and I ran straight through the gates of Windhelm and all the way back to Riften. Vex was waiting for me at the Flagon when I came in drenched in sweat. Everyone just took a look at me and laughed," Vipir laughed at the memory. "Well, I had forgotten we had our horses tied up just outside of Windhelm. Vex rode hers back and arrived hours before I did. So, that's how I earned the name." Vipir rolled onto his side and looked at Barri with the most serious expression. "Now keep it to yourself."

Barri burst into laughter at Vipir's expression. "What would be the point if everyone was there when you returned? They already know."

"Well," Vipir hedged. "I don't necessarily want to remind them. And there are always new recruits like yourself coming in. I'd like at least the pretense of a good reputation in the Guild."

"If you're really that fast, shouldn't you have beaten Vex back?" Barri asked.

"No," Vipir said. "She had a horse."

"It just seems like it would have been a better story than the one you told."

"But it wouldn't have been true," Vipir said, sounding a little confused.

"Okay, then I challenge you to a race," Barri said, standing up. "To that tree and back."

"I would hate for you to look bad," Vipir responded, but he got up too. "At least there will be no one here to witness your defeat."

He held a hand across Barri's chest as she got into a racer's position. "What's the prize?"

"Excuse me?"

"Well, there's not much point in racing if there's no prize," Vipir said.

"How about the pride of being right?"

"That's not much," Vipir pouted. "You can't spend pride."

"Oh, Nocturnal," Barri cursed as she placed her hands on her hips in frustration. "What do you want the prize to be?"

"The loser has to buy the winner a round of his choice at the Winking Skeever when we get to Solitude," Vipir declared.

"Or her," Barri clarified.

"Or her," Vipir grinned.

The two thieves got into their running positions - legs bent, fingertips touching the ground, and bottoms in the air. Vipir gave the count of three and yelled, "Go."

Barri thought herself a pretty good sprinter. You had to be if you were going to be a thief because you never knew when you might need to outrun the city guards. But Vipir put her to shame. She wasn't even halfway to the tree mark when Vipir was rounding it to come back. There was no way she was going to win.

As Vipir approached to pass her for his return lap, Barri threw herself into the other thief. The two of them tumbled to the ground, rolling over each other for several feet before Barri ended up sitting on top of Vipir.

"What did you do that for?" Vipir grunted.

"Just slowing you down to give me a chance to win," she teased. "Hm, I wonder if you're ticklish."

She laughed as she ran her fingers down Vipir's chest while the male tried to stop her attempts by wiggling under her. "No, stop, please don't," he begged as he batted her hands away.

The two thieves rolled on the ground as they wrestled. Barri giggled as she tried to tickle Vipir and he desperately tried to defend himself. "Looks like the world's best pickpocket developed a light touch because he's sooo sensitive."

"Mercy, mercy," Vipir cried.

"What do I get if I stop?" Barri teased.

"What?"

"Well, there's not much point stopping for nothing," she taunted, throwing Vipir's words back at him.

"Um, my eternal gratitude?" Vipir asked.

"You can't spend gratitude," Barri said as she stuck her tongue out. She leaned back with her hands up in the air, but still in a tickling position. It was then she noticed the bulge pressing against her leg. "By the Divines, is that what I think it is?"

"It's not my fault," Vipir whined, his face turning red. He tried to wiggle out from under Barri, but she pushed his shoulders down so he couldn't move. "It's what happens when a guy rolls around on the ground with a hot woman."

"You really think I'm hot?" Barri asked. She ground against Vipir, enjoying his reaction.

"Yes," he groaned. Even through the armor, he could feel Barri rubbing against him and it was making it very hard for Vipir to think much less talk. "Everyone has been jealous as hell of Delvin ever since the two of you hooked up."

"Honestly, for us being in a Thieves' Guild, you would think people would have the philosophy of take whatever you can grab," Barri snorted.

"Well, yeah, that's mostly true," Vipir agreed, "but we don't steal from each other."

"Would you say you're stealing from Delvin right now?" Barri asked as she leaned forward to undo the buckles on Vipir's chest piece.

"Do I have to worry about Delvin cutting my balls off?" Vipir asked nervously.

"No," Barri said as she ran her hands over the bare skin of the lean male's body. "In fact, turning me down is much more likely to end with physical harm."

"So, you wouldn't choke me again if I said I thought you were extremely fuckable and I would love to throw you over that log and fucked you until you screamed?" Vipir asked cautiously.

"Only way to find out is to ask," Barri said.

Vipir swallowed hard, wondering where the trap was in all this. There had to be a trap. Things were never this easy. He knew he wasn't really that good with words. He was much better with his hands.

"Um, Barri," he stuttered as he sat up.

"Yes, Vipir?" the female thief smiled.

"I think," he started as he wrapped his hands around her waist. Long, slender fingers ran up her back. "I think that you're very beautiful and I would love to be able to sleep with you."

"Get shy suddenly?" Barri teased.

"And if you were to say 'no', then I guess I would have to give this back to you," Vipir finished, holding Barri's breast band in his hand and offering it to her.

"By Mara, how did you?" Barri exclaimed. She opened her chest piece enough to look down and sure enough her bindings were gone.

"I am a master pickpocket," Vipir bragged, twirling the stolen clothes in his hand.

Barri threw her head back and laughed. "You're so awkward," she said. Her expression softened, "But cute too." She leaned forward and kissed Vipir on the mouth. Her tongue darted between his lips boldly.

The thieves wasted no time in having clothes fly everywhere as they disrobed each other. Long hours of picking locks and opening chests in complete darkness made it easy for them to unbuckle each other's armor without needing to stop and look.

"Weren't you going to ask me something?" Barri asked, her breath hot on Vipir's ear.

"How would you feel if I were to take you and throw you over that log so I can fuck you until you screamed?" Vipir asked.

Barri grabbed Vipir's hand and jammed it between her legs. As she rubbed against him, he noticed how hot and wet she was already. "I think that would be fantastic."

Vipir vaulted to his feet and grabbed Barri's hand as he scrambled over to the proffered fallen tree. As he pushed Barri against it, he said, "I just want to say in my defense that I usually partake in more foreplay."

"We've had enough of that," Barri laugh. "Right now I just want you to fuck me fast and hard."

"That I can do," Vipir said with confidence. His hands ran down Barri's back, enjoying how soft her skin was. He paused at her ass, caressing the roundness before reaching between her legs again. He gently nudged her legs further apart as he lined up with her entrance.

Barri cried out with pleasure as Vipir's tip pressed against her folds. "You better hold onto that log for dear life, girl," he growled in her ear. "I'm about to give you a ride you'll never forget."

Then Vipir was in her, hard and full. His first few strokes were just enough for her to get adjusted to his length, but then he was pounding into her faster than she had ever felt before.

Barri yelled out, glad that she wouldn't have to worry about anyone hearing her in the forest. She clenched the bark beneath her hands as Vipir thrust into her over and over. Oh gods, he was so fast. And then his fingers were on her clit and they were as clever about rubbing her just right as they ever had been at taking a mark's money.

Vipir's other hand was rubbing her ass in long, slow circles that were so counterpoint to the rest of his frenzied actions, but it felt just as good.

"By the Nine, you're so tight," Vipir exclaimed as he shove Barri harder against the tree. "I love how you look bent over and just letting me fuck you from behind."

The hand that had been rubbing her bottom moved to the front and grabbed a breast. He squeezed it before concentrating his attention on her nipple, tweaking it as he rubbed it. Barri cried out as Vipir bore down on all three points of pressure at once.

Then both of his hands were on her shoulders pushing her further forward, causing her ass to rise in the air more. Vipir plunged even faster against her. Barri cried out gibberish as her walls clenched around Vipir's cock and she came harder than she ever had before.

The female thief was grateful for the log because it was the only thing currently holding her up. Her legs felt weak and rubbery. Then Vipir's hands moved to her waist and helped hold her as he finished.

Barri's chest hurt from the bark pressed against her, her hands were raw from clenching the branches too tightly, and hot come ran down her legs, but she didn't complain.

"Oh gods, you're good," Barri murmured.

"Well, yeah," Vipir said matter of factly.

Barri shivered when he moved away from her, taking his delicious body heat. Vipir came back a moment later with a cloth in his hand. "Turn around and I'll wipe you off."

"Are all of the Thieves' Guild men such gentlemen?" Barri teased as she followed Vipir's command. She liked how he knelt before her as he tenderly ran the material over her thighs.

"I wouldn't know," he chuckled. "I haven't slept with any of them."

"I should get more input before making a decision," Barri admitted as she wrapped one leg around Vipir's shoulder and drawing him closer. "We might be up all night as I research. I hope you don't mind if we don't get to Solitude quickly."

"I could be persuaded to go slower," Vipir said with a grin.

"Don't you dare!" Barri laughed.

"Well, I meant that I could take my time and enjoy the trip," Vipir corrected himself, looking nervous. Barri thought it was sweet how worried he looked.

"I know what you meant," Barri reassured him. She slipped her legs down so they were enclosed around Vipir's waist. She paused and bit her lower lip. "Did you really bed four women in one night?"

"Oh yeah!" Vipir grinned. "Um, unless that would piss you off. Then no, no I did not."

"I'm not pissed," Barri said. She grabbed Vipir's arm and pulled him close enough to kiss again. "I think I'd like to hear about it. In detail. Possibly with reenactments."

Vipir picked Barri up and carried her back towards the camp with their bedrolls. "Well, it all started when I went to Markarth for a job and ended up in the Temple of Dibella."


End file.
